Suffocate
by Liola Li
Summary: Kagome had witnessed Inuyasha's embrace towards Kikyo and his declaration of always protecting his first love [Episode 47: Onigumo's Lingering Heart in Naraku]. Now she hides behind a false smile while hardening the heart inside.


Title: Suffocate  
  
Rating: PG-13 for some really angsty moments and just to be on the safe side. ; D  
  
Point of view: 3rd person  
  
Pairing:Main relationship is centered around Kagome and Inuyasha.  
  
Summary: Kagome had witnessed Inuyasha's embrace towards Kikyo and his declaration of always protecting his first love [Episode 47: Onigumo's Lingering Heart in Naraku]. Now she hides behind a false smile while hardening the heart inside.  
  
Author's notes: If you haven't seen this episode, there's some spoilers. The moment for such an in-depth emotional story was just too perfect to resist if you did see it! Enjoy and review please!  
  
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They both stared at each other through the blanket of opaque darkness. Not a sound echoed from the forest as the light from Kikyo's soul snatchers drifted eerily away towards the sky. Inuyasha said nothing as he turned to the teenager who rested a hand over chest. His glazed amber eyes looked at her with such emotion that it unknowingly sent Kagome a slight shiver that shook her entire body. For the first time since they met, she was scared of him. Scared of what his next words were to be towards her.  
  
Inuyasha froze at the sight of small wet tears that slowly crept out of Kagome's eyes. They rolled down her cheeks to the edge of her chin then dropped to the dark green blades below. Her heartbroken expression forcibly etched into his mind in details. Words escaped him as he stood stupefied of what he was to say. 'She saw,' he thought as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Inuyasha's heart pounded in his chest as he switched his unfaltering gaze towards the dark soil.  
  
With uncertianty, he allowed the first words to tumble out of his lips.  
  
"Kagome, I....I-"  
  
Before he could have continued, the girl softly stepped back further and further away from him. She tucked her head towards her chest so that her ebony bangs hid her tears from view. As the time passed, her pace quickened. It was obvious that she had decided to leave.  
  
"Wait! Don't you wa-?"  
  
Kagome turned; her back now facing him. "Inuyasha..." Her voice was calm though there was a slight trembling of an oncoming sob. Her feet were set to move quickly through the trees that cluttered the area.  
  
Inuyasha waited for the rest of her words. The melody of nocturnal creatures began to pick themselves up around the pair as the moon floated higher into the clouds. A lone wind rustled the high trees and sent loose aged leaves to swirl towards the ground. Kagome turned slightly. Her face streaming with a small stream of tears yet, amazingly, she held a small pleasant smile.  
  
"Don't follow me. I-I-I want to me alone." Her voice cracked as she struggled with the hoarse tone. Still holding a smile, she turned to the woods then quietly stepped out of the clearing, leaving him alone with muddled thoughts.  
  
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Deep in the forest, between the twisted roots of an aged tree, settled a girl with her knees tucked towards her chest and a head resting on her arms placed above them. She had waited for familiar footsteps of a certian half demon but had waited in vain. Tears flowed though the marked trecks on her cheeks from blotchy red eyes as the scene which unfolded moments ago came back in painful flashes.  
  
/...I'll always protect you.../  
  
That was what Inuyasha had said to Kikyo. For a moment, she could see things in Inuyasha that sent her heart into a swirling pit of spikes. He loved her. He still loved her. No matter what, Inuyasha's heart will always belong to Kikyo. Inuyasha, whose eyes filled with love and determination, had stared so deeply and passionately towards Kikyo.  
  
But towards her, his stare had changed. Not of love or determination or passion. But empathy. Kagome could hear the words that would've came from his mouth if she had stayed longer.  
  
Splices of ebony hair settled over her blurry eyes. Kagome swiped them away with the back of her hand then tucked them behind her ear. While doing so, a fragile white flower fell into her sight. With morbid curiousity, she dangled her fingers over the stem momentarily before picking it up to examine it.  
  
Daintly, Kagome picked at the petals before gently removing one from the flower. 'He loves me..' she thought with certain secrecy then allowed the single petal to drift down to her skirt. She plucked out another. 'He loves me...not.'  
  
'He loves me..'  
  
'He loves me not.'  
  
'He loves me.'  
  
She finally reached the final one. With a steady gaze, Kagome looked at the partially naked flower and at the final petal. Her hands slightly trembling, she plucked it out. "He loves me not."  
  
'So, I can't deny when it hurts this much can I?' she asked herself, 'I do love Inuyasha.' For some strange reason, her sudden confession at the time it was most useless made her chuckle. Her tears began to decrease as she continued her heartwrenching thoughts. Her smile grew as the words repeated over and over in her head.  
  
/...I'm sorry, Kagome. I love Kikyo.../  
  
"Kagome. Face reality," she whispered as she cocked her head towards the beautiful sky and the half hidden moon. "He'll never love you back. You can't be what Kikyo was. No matter how hard you try. No matter how long you hope. And no matter how much you love him..."  
  
She brought her hand towards her eyes then roughly began to wipe off the remaining tears.  
  
'And so...'  
  
She stood up and dusted off the clinging twigs and leaves. A foggy smile place upon her lips as a sudden emptiness unknowingly casted upon her eyes.  
  
'And so...'  
  
Kagome stepped lightly over the roots. Her tears now dry. Her head now held high over her shoulders.  
  
"Goodbye..... goodbye Inuyasha."  
  
As the words spilled from her lips, she realized what people say about being heartbroken wasn't true. Your heart doesn't shatter when someone doesn't return your feelings. It doesn't get torn then shamelessly be sent tot he farthest reaches of the earth. Neither does it feel like it had been beaten against a rock mercillesly.  
  
No. None of that was true concerning her. In fact, it felt like it wasn't there at all. As if her chest had suddenly became lighter with the release of a heavy weight. Kagome's heart was still there. No pain was extracted whatsoever.  
  
Only parlyzation existed. The coldness of being immoblile. Of being completely....utterly...  
  
Numb.  
  
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The first version of the proluge was too long so I cut some stuff up for the second chapter. Sorry, couldn't resist the munchy details. There are quite a few grammer mistakes here so I'm expecting some people to review saying '__was supposed to be captiatlized! ' or '___ is spelled ___'  
  
Review! Gosh darn it! Press the purple button and say 'lkajdflafjd' for all I care. Though I doubt I'll get many seeing how many stories are in this category of anime. *_* 


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